Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
