yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Never joke about your clitoris.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
