your parents love me but you hate me
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
