he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
