Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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