Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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