Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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