I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
