how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
