its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am naked and annoyed.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
