the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
