i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
