he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
