i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
