I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
