We named our party play list daddy issues
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
