you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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