dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
