The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
