i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
