I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
