sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
