I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
