I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
