Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
