Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
