you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
