why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
