i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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