Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Your penis caused this!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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