I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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