I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
