Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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