We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
