While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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