god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
