Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
