I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
