no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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