just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
