____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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