nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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