It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
