He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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