you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize