You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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