I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
