I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
