my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
