Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
