So drunk its hurt
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
