I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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