i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
