after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
