Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
