break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
