So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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