my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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