I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
