Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
