I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
