Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
