I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
