Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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