She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
