i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize