So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
