i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
