he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
