What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
