how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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