how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
