it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
