Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
