Four minutes until I can fart!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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