You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
