so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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