I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
