I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
