I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
