At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize