I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
