If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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