better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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