My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
