You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
