Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
