if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
